Flight to Ennis
After posting my last blog in West Yellowstone, it was 2:30 PM and not enough time to get to Ennis, Montana the next town 72 miles to the north across some rugged terrain. But my spirit said go anyway, make a bet with the Sun and ride like a wild man to get there before the Sun sets. Could I really do it? I mean, I knew I could if I burned myself down to the core. But I wanted to wait for Alex and Iris and at the same time I wanted to get out of the tourist trap that is West Yellowstone. I didn't get a good vibe about the town. Some of the people were cool, one guy who served my vegan pizza even felt like a true hero. But the guys renting out the camp site seemed a bit scrambled. I've never done drugs, but I'd say that these two brothers were on something. They both had these high energy salesman personalities and fast-talking trickiness with these screwy eyes that told you something wasn't right. And I don't like giving money to people who I think are working the deep shadows of life avoiding the light. So I packed up my lap top and got on my bike and rode to the edge of town to just glance at the road and feel the power of the wind and it felt good, so I kept pedaling, knowing that I would most likely not make it 72 miles by sundown. In my journey uphill to Laramie 76 miles the Sun defeated me decisively as I left at 7 Am and arrived at 10 PM exhausted beyond belief stumbling the last five mile through the dark on an unknown dirt road. This time I resolved to camp somewhere if I got too tired or if the Sun set on me. My friends could catch me later. With the Moon traversing my 8th House I felt like being alone anyway, as it's always an emotionally intense time of letting go and change every month, but this month it was capped off by a powerful solar eclipse which magnifies things at least three times!
The shoulder of the road was wide but quite rocky and sandy. Somebody needs to sweep the streets going north from West Yellowstone. So the ride had the wind at my left-back, but was uncomfortable and my tires kept crackling and popping as they road over the bits of loose gravel. There are several factors you account for when cycling and touring like this. First of all you've got to account for how much weight you're carrying and try to minimize it. I shipped 16 pounds ahead to my first destination in Nelson BC where I intent to hang for a time after a back spoke broke in Jackson WY. Then, when you're actually on the bike you've got the Wind and you've got the Current, what I call the road conditions. The Wind is a huge factor. If its blowing in your face hard it can make the ride miserable. You're always going to have some wind by virtue of the friction you create by going through the atmosphere on this here third planet from the Sun. However, if you have a Tail Wind everything is roses and you can pedal hard and get going at 15-20 miles per hour on a flat stretch easily. With a headwind, you have to pedal hard going downhill just to make 8 MPH! It's terrible. I call it the Current but it's not like we're in water, we're mostly on pavement with the occasional dirt road, but whatever surface we ride on, we encounter resistance like a Current. If the road is paved and there is a lot of shoulder then you're set, the Current is with you and you can flow without too much anxiety. If the shoulder is very narrow then your anxiety level rises because cars and diesels fly by and blow you off course a bit, and if there's a ledge like in Yellowstone, then you could crash if you don't pa precise attention to the path of your front wheel. Also, if the shoulder is rocky or sandy, the Current level increases because you're likely to hit a rock or a slippery patch and tumble over, especially with a cruel crosswind. I've literall been blown off my bike in this way and tumbled down the hill!
As a living organic being, you also have to worry about your state of functionality. You've got the Sun bearing down so you need sunscreen. It's good to have riding gloves to maintain a firm yet padded grip on the handlebars. You need to keep hydrated over long distances, so you need to carry lots of water, preferably five liters with two water bottles and a camel back. Then you can drink to your heart's content and keep yourself from getting dehydrated until the next stop where you fill those bottles no matter what. Ever since I got the camel back, I hardly ever touch my water bottles till camp time, because i'm always refilling the camel. Then you've got the dryness factor and wind factor combining to shred your lips, so some lip balm is required. I used a combo of carmex and other organic ones, but I didn't want to get addicted to them, so I only use them when my lips are suffering from dryness/heat plus harsh winds. Over time they become accustomed to being outdoors in the dry West. Then you've got your Ache factor. At the beginning of the day, you are rested and good, with some soreness from the previous day depending on how hard you pushed it. But in general the day starts off grand. Then about at 30 miles, your rear starts to ache, so you push hard on the pedals to give your rear a break. Then your feet start to hurt especially the numb toes. You try and go back and forth between putting pressure on your feet/ankles/calves and the butt on the seat. After a time they all start to hurt in unison, at which point you either decide to take a rest break and get off the bike for a while or you continue on in pain, depending on your mental toughness. You start to shift more weight forward to your hand/wrist/forearm system, but that only makes them hurt after another ten miles. Then you've got three systems screaming at you!
Then you've got your energy level and fuel to consider, as you are the motor of this machine. You can't carry too much food or you'll be weighted down even more, so you pack light stuff like Clif bars, sunflower seeds, almonds, tea bags, fruit (bananas help with soreness), and maybe some noodles of rice that you'll cook at camp, but never more than one cookable meal. When you start to feel weak you need to stop and eat and drink to keep your energy levels up, especially if the Current is harsh and the Winds are hammering you. That requires more energy to battle the earth and wind. In addition to all that, you've got to focus on how far you are going and the route you're going to take. You don't ever want to get lost or take a wrong turn and have to backtrack several miles. That would be sheer hell! You always want to be making positive progress in between towns. That's why you want to get good rest at night so you are mentally alert and don't forget to bring everything with you. My most valued possessions are my Droid phone, my I-pad, my Macbook Pro, and my wallet. So every time I get on the bike a take inventory of those four things. I could lose everything else, with maybe the exception of my tent and still be okay. If I lost any of those, I'd be devastated and hate life for a second while I find another path to serenity.
So there I was issuing my challenge to the Sun, making a silent bet to that big shining star that sustains our life that I could beat it to the horizon again, after I've been defeated time after time. But I was feeling stronger despite the time crunch. I had 7 hours to get 72 miles. If I was unfortunate enough to experience harsh Winds and Currents, the Sun would win automatically and I'd be stealth camping in the woods. Stealth camping means waiting for the Sun to go down and then sneaking off the beaten path with your bike into the cover of the natural vegetation to set up camp secretly where no authorities or park rangers are likely to discover you resting on the good earth for free. We wouldn't want anyone to have an easy time of getting out of starlessness. That's the opposite of being homeless, starless, because you're always inside and don't see the stars unless you make a concerted effort to go outside, and who really does that at night with TV and computers competing for your time.
And now I would add to the Element-less. Because when you live outside, you experience the sheer power and flow of the Elements in all their glory and trembling ecstasy. They don't care if you are comfortable. They are trapped in you as a being and they want to free their brethren by ripping you apart if they can. I used to have a more idealistic and compassionate view of Earth, Wind, Fire, and Water, but now I have a cautious if adversarial relationship with them at best. I know I am composed of them, and I know they will kill me as soon as flow by me. I'm often thinking of the stories of Jesus commanding the elements and I really wan that power now. But I don't want it if it will cost my soul any growth by struggling against them. We all yearn for life to be without struggle, yet we struggle through it anyway creating barriers to our contentment. Not happiness, contentment. You can be pissed off and deeply content in your heart. Even a Zen master needs to yell and scream sometimes and at least act angry. If there's one thing I've learned from the elements it's the lesson of flowing through life without guilt or shame or permission. The elements teach us that there are no wrong emotions or thoughts or design patterns, despite how we judge ourselves by societies scrupulous standards. There's a difference between having a thought and acting upon it, or having an emotion flow through you and acting upon it.
I've experienced outright hatred for some people in this life, and yet I've chosen not to act on it. It's better to be honest and tell someone you hate why you hate them than bottling it up and causing you cancer down the line. And who knows, you might be able to understand why they do what they do and learn to love them for being in their shoes for a day. There are no wrong emotions or thoughts even the ones that would be tragic if you acted them out. For instance, Men are very visual and when we see a woman who is beautiful we can't help ourselves but to visualize sexual activity with the object of our desires. The key word here is "object" as no woman deserves or wants to be seen as a piece of fleshy desirous meat to be used like this, and no balanced man would enjoy a purely physical relationship with a woman over the long term devoid of empathy, emotional connection, mental stimulation, and spiritual union anyway. But still, we walk into a grocery store and there's this woman walking by with incredible legs and there goes your primal imagination into x-rated land.
Being on a long bike trip like this or joining the military or doing anything that sublimates the sexual drive into pure physical raw expression kind of cuts down your sexual drive, as does fasting. When you eat food, the life in the food craves life and the creation of life and you produce more proteins and the sexual urge builds to the point in a man where you either have to take care of yourself or find a companion. I think in the military they put salt peter in the food to lower the masculine libido. On an arduous journey like this, you're too tired at the end of the day to even think about sex. And most of our religions in the west have severe taboos around the subject as well as our ethics, yet we continue to watch movies and advertisements on television and in magazines and the internet that make our sexual centers vibrate at high speed. Sex and violence sell says Hollywood, so they keep feeding us a healthy diet to make us weak and yearning in the sacral center between the root chakra and the belly. They show us food to get us in the belly and offer us security. But on a long bike trip where you're sweating bullets all day long to turn a red shirt white with salt, these desires are minimized at best if not altogether forgotten about. It's a strange phenomena.
Anyway, I could go on for hours like a dusty philosopher about sex and spirituality, but I digress. My point is, that there are many factors to think about and plan for besides just riding down the road all innocent and care-free. You have a huge responsibility as I've laid it out on various wavelengths to contend with if you don't want to get injured or die. People ask me, "Aren't you afraid of a car hitting you?" And I say in return, "Aren't you?" I mean we all trust the other driver when we get on that road, and ultimately if it's your destiny to be hit by some crazed lunatic, at least you'll go out doing something glorious and free! This doesn't mean that you drive down the middle of the road with your I-pod blaring in your ears. I'd rather stay alive and make my destiny about contributing to humanity. There would not be too many more of these blog posts to read if I was that stupid. If there's a wide shoulder and the traffic is minimum I'll listen to music or an audio book. But if there's a narrow shoulder or the traffic is fierce, then I'll keep my ears peeled for danger.
So I got about 15 miles in to the 72 to Ennis, Montana and I had to turn left and therefore West to get to the destination. I was hoping to catch up to the Rolling Dutchmen again and camp with them and my new friend from NC named Dan. But I put it in my mind that I could always camp too and not to push myself to that point of supreme exhaustion. I didn't take my own advice as the elementals tricked me again. I rolled passed a scenic lake for miles that was mind-blowing in its beauty. Then a cyclist without heavy panniers blew past me and then slowed down and started a conversation that lasted for several miles. He was from Seattle and he worked in sales with aerospace industries and we exchanged stories on our bikes and it was indeed pleasant. In addition, his pace was brisk and I had to pedal harder to hear him because by turning West I turned right into the Wind again. Yes, the dreaded wind, but at least the high gorgeous Montana ranges on either side were blocking some of it. After I stopped to take a picture of the lake, he sped onward and I never saw him again. It's fascinating who you meet at random on the trails of life no matter if you're on a bike or not. I passed many campgrounds in those beautiful scenic mountains but kept pedaling trying to believe I could beat the Sun to Ennis. At one point the winds got so harsh coming out between the two high ranges into the valley, that I had to get off the bike and push it along. There was a cool historical site but I was too focused on motion to stop. I had made a bet with the Sun and stopping anywhere would increase the likelihood of losing badly. So I got back on the bike and rode hard till I got into the rolling hills that reminded me of Hobbiton on Lord of the Rings. They could have filmed it there easily, green rolling layers of hills. I did stop briefly to get directions and bearings and mileage and a few granola bars and a Gatorade. The friendly heroic guy at the hunting and fishing shop told me the name and distance of the last camp site before Ennis, and that Ennis was still 42 miles away. I figured I'd have to stop at that site for sure, being realistic.
I pedaled my heart out and the Wind intensified and I had all the aches described above and was trying to maintain at least ten miles an hour with four hours left so I could win my bet with the slowly sinking ominous Sun. About ten miles away I spotted the campground and my heroic spirit kicked in and urged me to go for it. So stupidly, I went for it. I rolled right on by the last camp site with a look of regret. Why do I always have to play heroic? About 15 miles later I was a living travesty of pain and regret for not stopping. I've never experienced the kind of pain in my joints than that sad day. I pushed it beyond my limits again, and every part of me paid the price. I started praying to the elements, to the Greek Gods, to the one Eternal Being for help. I saw a river, and asked Poseidon to transform some oxygen in the water into wind and to blow it at my back. I think I was hallucinating at this point, that or just desperate. I asked Apollo, the very mythic symbol of the Sun itself to summon his mighty chariot to bear me forth safely to my destination. I wondered if asking help from the one you're racing meant that I had already lost, but I didn't care. I said, "I don't care if you win, I surrender, just help me please!" I visualized Jesus walking on the Water and Peter sinking into the waves due to his lack of faith, and I summoned my faith. I said, "Angels of Wind and Water, just give me 15 diesels in a row that will push me in their currents to Ennis!" I hadn't seen a diesel on that backroad all day.
By that time the Sun was sinking quick toward the mountains in the distance and I asked Apollo to slow down his descent to at least give me a chance and I promised to give it my all, every last fiber of exertion. Somehow it all worked! A miracle was given too me. I could barely hold myself on the bike through all the pain. My legs and feet were numb and burning, my rear hurt like I was sitting on tacs, my wrists were locked up and straining, and I was exhausted and almost out of water, but I stood up over the handlebars and I pedaled with my weight, just rising and falling and using gravity to propel me forward. It hurt so bad I began to cry, and grunt, and groan. I felt like an abandoned child hungry and cold curled in an embryonic pose afraid to even look up. I've never felt so helpless in my life, but I continued to pedal with all the strength I had left in me. Then my miracle arrived. The winds shifted from a crosswind to a tail wind, and then on a road with hardly any traffic all day and not a single diesel, a bunch of diesels started speeding by! I grew excited and started moving closer to the road where I could capture their wind at my back and go faster with ten miles to go! The diesels began coming in regular intervals as if they were all coming home from a trip to the south, and like the Voyager satellite using Jupiter's gravity to propel it to the outer limits of the solar system, I began bouncing from the gravitational wind well of one diesel to another. It was a miracle, a prayer answered! I counted 18 diesels in a row and I was going 18 miles per hour down a straight road as if Apollo's chariot indeed swept beneath my wheels and Poseidon's water had summoned the winds at my back. Though the excitement banished my fear of not reaching Ennis, my pain increased and my body began trembling like little earthquakes were happening, spasming through every muscle. But I thanked Jesus and Buddha and the angels and all the powers and the principalities that govern the universe. Mostly I held gratitude in my heart for the Eternal Being that crafted me and shared this triumphant adventure. And I road through my tears and my floundering body and crossed the bridge that led into Ennis just as the Sun was setting over the distant mountains. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I took the picture above of it setting and uploaded it to Facebook as I rode, refusing to quit pedaling! Not only did I beat the Sun to the horizon, I with the help of the powers of creation, I even beat the Sun to the mountain range.
I could barely believe it when I rolled into Camper World using my intuition to locate the Rolling Dutchmen, choosing their correct camping site out of three choices. I rolled into the camp trembling and shaking and even crying, and my companions were amazed that I made it after telling them I left at 2:30 PM. I leaned my bike against a tree and fell on the ground coughing, my lungs burning with exhaustion. They were all very concerned about my health telling me I should take it easy. After setting up my tent and having some food at the local grocery store (I think I downed a gallon of OJ), I crashed into a well-deserved sleep period. The Dutchmen and Dan said they were taking an alternative route in the morning after the steepest climb of our travels rising out of Ennis. I didn't want to think about a steep climb in the morning. I didn't want to hear about routes. I told them not to wake me up, and that I might take their advice too and catch them north of Twin Bridges, but that I might just stop in Twin Bridges. I didn't know...I could not think...I could only drift into a deep slumber remembering the Sun, Apollo, the Solar Christ Consciousness setting in the West over that mountain. With the Solar Eclipse occurring in my 8th House of Death and Rebirth, something indeed died inside me that day. Maybe I experienced a new level of humility, because despite winning my first bet with the Sun, I felt dead to the world...and I got a lot of help in the end from cosmic agencies. All I could hope for was a quick resurrection so I could climb what was supposedly the greatest ascent up a mountain on this leg of the journey. The next morning when I awoke, the Dutchmen were gone, and I saw three other bikes leaving, bearing three older women in their fifties or so that I hadn't even noticed last night in my delirium. I slowly poked myself through the tent and felt the wind as I looked off at the beast of mountain to the West. The moon was in the middle of the 8th house, the heart of Hades, and the Wind was blowing strong against me again stronger than the day before.
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